Putting the Team in Team Rocket
by Cosmic Mewtwo
Summary: After a disastrous fire drill at the Team Rocket HQ, Giovanni punishes everyone with a bizarre lesson in team work... Parody of the Simpsons. I don't know what possessed me, honestly.
1. The Fire Drill

Don't ask.... It was late at night... I was watching the Simpsons... And eating sugar...

And then _this _happened...

Disclaimer: Don't look at me! I don't own pokemon!...... yet.....

Putting the Team in Team Rocket

By: ~*~Cosmic Mewtwo~*~

It was a sunny day in Viridian City.

Giovanni walked down a hallway in the Team Rocket HQ, slightly smiling, with an obedient Persian trotting at his heels. It seemed as if the boss of Team Rocket was in one of his very rare good moods.

He reached his office doors, still grinning like an idiot, when Domino came down the hallway.

"Hello, sir!" She said, her wavy blonde hair bouncing slightly."Wow, you seem to be in a good mood. You're smiling like a hungry Snorlax napping in a candy store. What's this all about?"

Giovanni shrugged."I don't know, 009. I just have a feeling that this is going to be a good day!"

Giovanni unlocked the door to his office. He nearly skipped to his desk and took a seat in his large, leather chair.

"So, Domino, what's on the schedule today?" He asked.

"Paper work," muttered Domino, dropping a monolithic pile of papers onto Giovanni's desk. "Oh, and the Rocket Grunts are considering going on strike. You have a meeting with them later today."

"Strike? Why would they want to go on strike?" Giovanni asked.

"I'm not sure...Something about the poor quality of toilet paper here at the headquarters. You know the grunts... They'll stir up trouble over anything."

Giovanni nodded. "Well, all right then. I'll get started on my work."

~*~

An hour passed.

Giovanni's oddly happy mood seemed to have worn off and was replaced with sheer boredom. He glared sullenly at his paperwork and threw down his pen. He reached down and picked up his Persian.

"Are you as bored as I am, my furry, pokemon friend?" He asked.

Persian hissed angrily, and lashed out with his claws. Giovanni scowled and tossed Persian aside.

"Whoa, you're pretty huffy for someone who eats bugs all day," he snapped. Persian growled, feeling insulted, before coughing up a butterfly.

"009!" Giovanni shouted to Domino, who happened to be walking by his office.

"Yes sir?"She asked, dropping the black tulip she had been playing with in surprise.

"We need some excitement around here!" Announced Giovanni.

"Um, a one-on-one pokemon battle between two metapod?" Domino suggested.

Giovanni rolled his eyes. "No, something fun. Something everyone in the HQ will enjoy. Maybe some sort of safety drill." Giovanni paused. He leaned back in his chair and thought for a moment.

"Hmm... Maybe a Vindictive Mewtwo alert... Or a Rabid Tyrannitar drill, or blimp attack..." Suddenly, Giovanni sat up straight, his eyes lighting up with an idea. "Oh, I know! How about a good, old-fashioned fire drill?"

"You're the boss," Domino replied indifferently.

Giovanni grinned and pressed a button beneath his desk. Suddenly, a shrill alarm noise sounded throughout the entire building.

"This should be interesting!" Giovanni said with a smirk.

~*~

Now on this fateful day, Jessie, James and Meowth happened to be in the Team Rocket HQ. They were there because Giovanni had wanted to see them in person, probably so he could roar himself hoarse over their failures. 

They were in a break room when the shrill alarm went off. Jessie looked around in wonderment. 

"What's that noise?" She asked.

"Oh, the popcorn must be ready," James answered, opening a nearby microwave. He pulled out an unfinished bag of popcorn.

"That isn't it, you idiot!" Jessie snapped, hitting her intellectually weaker partner on the back of the head.

"Sor-_ry_!" James shot back defensively. "Talk about severe PMS!"

"Uh, guys, I think dat's da fire alarm," spoke up Meowth. 

"FIRE?!" James wailed. "A fire?! I'm too young to die!" James began trembling and he clutched Jessie in fear.

"Oh, snap out of it!" Jessie yelled, hitting James again.

"Hey, youse guys can sit here tremblin' and cryin' all ya want, but I'm outta here!" Said Meowth, before running out of the room.

"Meowth, you might get lost and die!!" James cried.

"STOP PANICKING!" Jessie yelled in frustration.

Meowth ran through the hallways and corridors of the headquarters, struggling through groups of confused and frightened Rockets. Mondo, for example, was running around in circles, frantically chanting "Firefirefirefirefirefirefirefire!"

Butch grabbed a fire extinguisher off of the wall. He started hitting anyone who came within three feet of him, while yelling, "Get out of my way!"

You see, Rockets are not well trained to deal with fires. Sure, some of them are exceptionally well-trained spies, thieves and assassins, but fire drills are just beyond them.

~*~

Giovanni and Domino were standing outside of the HQ. Giovanni's good mood seemed to have completely evaporated. He was glaring maliciously at the building.

"Domino," he asked sharply, "what's a good time for the entire evacuation of a building about the size of the Team Rocket headquarters?"

"Um... About a minute and a half."

Giovanni glared more fiercely than before. "How long are we taking?"

"Uh, I don't know," Domino replied timidly, looking down at her stopwatch. "This stopwatch only goes up to fifteen minutes."

Giovanni clenched his fists in an effort to contain his utter rage. His eye twitched slightly.

Meanwhile, Meowth was still running around the HQ. He managed to escape from the fray and burst through the main entrance of the HQ. He took a nearby bench and pushed it up against the door's handle, preventing escape from anyone else.

The cat pokemon ran up to Giovanni, panting. He quickly glanced back at the HQ, which was emitting a horrible cacophony of noise.

"Hey, I think I won, Boss!" Meowth said tiredly. "I got outta dere foist!"

"Oh, you won all right," Giovanni responded in a low, ominous tone. "You've won more than you bargained for...."

Domino blinked a few times. "What exactly is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Oh, shut up, Domino!"

~*~

Another hour had passed. Everyone had finally escaped the headquarters, but not without a price. Countless windows were broken, doors were busted down, and more than a few Rockets would need to be hospitalized. The only benefit acquired from the whole disaster was that everyone learned from Butch that fire extinguishers are effective weapons.

Giovanni scowled at his employees, who were all, huddled in a noisy, massive crowd. His eyes seethed with fury.

"What-a-disgrace!!!" He roared, and everyone fell silent immediately. "I've seen more orderly behaviour in a Team Aqua operation!"

(You see, I have this unresolved hatred for Team Aqua/Magma. Damn TR rip-offs....)

All the grunts, rockets, executives, etc. looked down guiltily.

Giovanni continued his angry rant. "None of you know anything about teamwork! It's because of you bumbling fools that the 'Team' in 'Team Rocket' doesn't make any sense! What the hell were you all thinking?!"

No one even dared to answer to Giovanni's scolding. 

"That's right! You _weren't _thinking! You all need a severe punishment for this disaster! You all need a lesson in TEAMWORK!"

"Sir, what exactly were you planning on doing?" Domino spoke up bravely.

Giovanni thought to himself for a moment. An idea struck him, and he resumed talking again.

"Tomorrow, I will be taking everyone here to Mount Silver. I'll send you out on an expedition there, in teams! Then we'll see what you all learn!

James, who had been standing in the crowd with Jessie, suddenly looked worried. 

"Mount Silver?" He whispered, with widened eyes. "But... There's dangerous pokemon there! Like ursaring, and... and... And there's avalanches!"

Jessie glared. "Stop snivelling. My mother was killed in an avalanche."

(A/N: Poor Miyamoto... Moment of silence, everyone!)

James shut his whiny mouth for once and looked away guiltily.

"Now, all of you brainless morons, back inside!" Giovanni yelled. "This instant! And act responsibly for once, damn it!"

Everyone nodded hurriedly, mumbled feeble apologies, and crept back into the HQ quietly.

~*~

What is this expedition Giovanni is planning? Will James be eaten by an ursaring on Mount Silver? Is anyone actually going to learn about Team Work? Ha, wouldn't you like to know! Unfortunately, you'll never find out because a second chapter is as likely as Mewtwo wearing a pink dress and pixie wings while jumping on a trampoline! _It's not going to happen!_

Oh, by the way, I made James look really stupid, but I have nothing against him. I think he's rather cute, to be honest. =^-^= 

Um, I better leave now before my sugar high wears off.

*telekinetically flies off*


	2. Pairing Up

A/N: Alright. So I lied when I said there wasn't going to be a chapter two. But you can all forgive me for lying, right? Right! So read on!

This chapter has some violence and swearing, (like all my other stories), so, just thought I'd warn you! 

And thanks to everyone who already sent it reviews! You people rock!

Disclaimer: I do not own Team Rocket, Pokemon, or anything affiliated with them. I own nothing! But that will all change in time... Mwahahaha!

****

Putting the Team **in Team Rocket**

By: Cosmic Mewtwo

It was the next day. Jessie and James, along with Meowth, were trudging along through some snow at the base of Mt. Silver.

"I can't believe the boss is forcing us to go up into the mountains to learn about teamwork!" James whined.

Meowth nodded in agreement. "Yeah! We had to cancel our important plans to do nothin'!"

"And on top of that, it's cold," Jessie muttered with a shiver. "This short skirt does nothing for warmth! Oh, the things I do for fashion!"

"Hey! Is dat all da Rockets over there?" Meowth asked, pointing a paw towards a large group of people.

James nodded sullenly. "Yep, that's them all right.

The trio picked up their pace through the glistening white snow until they reached the group of unhappy looking Rockets.

Giovanni, Domino, and Giovanni's Persian stood in front of them. The Boss was smirking in evil delight and Domino just looked bored.

"Well!" Giovanni proclaimed. "It seems that everyone is here, so I'll explain your new mission. Your goal is to reach the cabin hidden somewhere near the summit of the mountain. I strongly urge you to use your maps-"

"Um, Boss?" James interrupted. "I lost my map."

"You haven't been issued a map yet!" Giovanni snapped back angrily. "Anyway, as I was saying, you all have to get to this cabin in teams of two. You will not be with your regular partners, but instead randomly paired up with someone else through a draw. The second last team who reaches the cabin will be given a "World's Worst Rocket" trophy, and the last team to arrive will be fired."

"Fired?" James whimpered.

"Even I might be the unfortunate one who is fired!" Giovanni said with a laugh. "But not damn likely..." he added in an undertone.

"Anyway, without further ado, we'll start pairing you up," continued Giovanni. "Domino will draw names from a hat and then we'll be off."

Domino nodded. She drew the first two names.

"Jessie... You will be with Cassidy."

"Oh, damn it!" Jessie muttered loudly. Then she noticed Cassidy was glaring fiercely at her. "Uh, I mean.... Oh, damn it."

Domino continued drawing names.

"Butch and... Mondo... Meowth... and Persian..."

A few minutes and a cat fight later, Domino was still drawing names. Soon almost everyone was paired up. Domino pulled out one of the last names.

"James... and..." she grabbed another slip of paper. "Giovanni?

Domino turned angrily to Giovanni.

"Boss!" she hissed. "You said this was going to be rigged so that we would be teammates!"

Giovanni shrugged indifferently. "Yes, well, you've been kind of a bitch lately, so whatever."

Domino muttered angrily to herself. "Why do we always fight on vacation?"  


_Oh, no, I'm stuck with the Boss!_ James thought in horror.

-_ But wait - _another voice said in his mind. -_ You're on the one team that can't possibly lose! -_

- But Giovanni is scary... - the first thought persisted. -_ I wish Jessie were here to protect me...-_

-Um, James? - A third voice spoke up. -_ I do hope you realize that it's rather odd to have voices arguing in your head. -_

- Shut up! - the other two thoughts yelled.

"Does everyone think like this or am I just special?" James mumbled in confusion. He shook his head and walked towards the boss.

Domino, who seemed extremely annoyed, rummaged through the hat.

"Fine," she muttered. 'The last person in here will be paired up with me."

She pulled out the last slip and read it aloud. 'Domino' was clearly printed on the paper. She tossed the slip away.

"Great, that's just great!"

"All right, everyone get with their partners!" Giovanni ordered. "And begin the race!"

Giovanni walked over to James as everyone else left to start their expedition.

"So, James, I guess we're partners then," said Giovanni with a shrug.

James nodded stupidly. "Er... I guess we are."

Giovanni stood still for awhile, watching all the other teams leave until he and James were the only people left.

"Um, sir?" James spoke up timidly. "Shouldn't we get moving? We don't want to be the losing team."

Giovanni laughed.

"Honestly, James, do you think that I'd let us lose?" the Boss said, smiling as if he had some sort of devious scheme planned. "I know how to reach our goal swiftly and efficiently."

James raised his eyebrows curiously. "Do you mean... Like a short cut?"

Giovanni grinned again, more menacingly than before. "Something like that, I suppose."

Giovanni began to walk through the snow in the opposite direction that all the other teams had departed in. James followed apprehensively.

- _I wonder what the Boss is up to_- he thought. _- I sure hope this doesn't involve wandering into an ursaring cave. -_

- Why are you so paranoid about ursaring? - Another thought inquired. -_ You should be more paranoid about avalanches! -_

- Oh, great, I'm going to die, aren't I? - the first thought replied.

-_ James, you'd be much happier if you just didn't think! - _A third thought suggested.

James shook his head, perplexed at how often he argued with himself. Then he realized Giovanni was leading him to a clump of shrubs.

Giovanni stopped abruptly. He parted the shrubs carefully and revealed a hidden snowmobile. 

"Using this snowmobile," explained Giovanni, "we can reach our destination hours before the others, and without exhausting ourselves."

"But isn't that cheating?" James pointed out.

"Yes," Giovanni replied. "But what's wrong with that? If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as a Rocket to do it! Why should the race always be to the swift or the jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gift's nature gave them? I say cheating is the gift man gives himself!"

"Well, when you say it that way, it's not so bad," agreed James thoughtfully,

Giovanni patted his employee on the back. "That's the spirit, James! Now hop on. Let's go!"

Giovanni took a seat in the front, and James sat behind him.

"You sure do know how to cheat, Boss," James said as they sped off up the slope."

Giovanni smiled. "Well, how do you think I came to be the rich, powerful, feared leader of Team Rocket?" 

"Didn't you inherit it from your mother?" James said quietly.

"Oh, shut up."

~*~*~*~*~

Meanwhile, on another part of the mountain, Jessie and Cassidy were not getting along very well as partners. They trudged through the snow angrily, exchanging scowls at each other every now and then. Cassidy was looking at the map, deep in thought.

"We're going the wrong way, Cassidy," said Jessie venomously.

"No we're not!" Cassidy snapped back

"Yes we are!" Jessie hissed. "Give me that map!"

"No!" Cassidy shrieked as Jessie lunged furiously for the map. Cassidy waved it around frantically, trying to avoid Jessie's grabs.

Frustrated, Jessie picked up a handful of snow and hurled it at Cassidy's head.

"Oops! Some snow just fell on your head!" said Jessie with a smug grin.

Cassidy stomped her foot angrily on the snow, her eye twitching with rage.

"Oh, yeah? Well, at least I don't wear big, ugly, tacky, green earrings! You may not have noticed Jessie, but the eighties ended, like, how many years ago?!"

Jessie glared icily at her teammate. 

"Yeah? Well, that's not so bad!" She countered acidly. "At least my hair doesn't look like two Blaziken legs jutting out of my head!

"Oh, that's it!" Cassidy snarled, springing forwards to attack Jessie.

Jessie stumbled as Cassidy tried to push her, and retaliated by pulling her hair. Cassidy screamed and viciously dug her nails into Jessie's arm.

"Skank!" Jessie yelled, slapping Cassidy across the face.

"Bitch!" Cassidy shrieked.

The two carried on like that, shouting numerous insults and profanities while relentlessly pushing each other, until they both fell in the snow.

~*~*~*~*~*~

And that's the end of chapter two!

Will Giovanni and James get to the cabin first? Will Jessie and Cassidy carry on with their childish cat-fights? _Will _there be an ursaring attack or avalanche? To find out the answer to these questions and more, stay tuned for chapter three of Putting the Team in Team Rocket!

And please review! I love reviews! Thank you for reading!


	3. The Avalanche

Look! It's me! I'm back from the dead and I've brought an update with me! I've been busy and have suffered from writer's block, but well, here I am! Anywho, thanks for the reviews so far! Anyone who has sent a review is fabulous and merits a genuine, Cosmic Mewtwo hug! *hug*  
  
Anyway, just read!  
  
Putting the Team In Team Rocket By: Cosmic Mewtwo  
  
Chapter III: The Avalanche  
  
Giovanni and James reached the cabin quickly. Upon arriving, they came to a stop and hopped off the snowmobile. James stood in the snow and stared at the cabin silently. Giovanni, meanwhile, flipped on the power and heat of the cabin. The Boss then turned to James with a wide grin on his face.  
  
"Well, it's several hours before the others arrive. Why don't we get comfy?"  
  
"All right," nodded James.  
  
Giovanni entered the cabin and James followed obediently. It was pleasantly warm within it's walls, contrary to the frigid air outside. There was a large table covered in an assortment of foods and beverages and several comfortable looking couches were spread around.  
  
Giovanni flopped down on a couch, sighing heavily. James followed suit, a bowl of potato chips clutched in his hands. Giovanni leaned back comfortably.  
  
"Ahh, sitting - the great leveler," he said wisely. "From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn't enjoy a good sit?"  
  
James nodded in agreement, shoving a handful of chips in his mouth.  
  
""So, James," Giovanni continued. "How's life been?"  
  
"Oh, well, you know," said James with a shrug, "every day I get up, pathetically chase after some twerp to steal his obese little omnipotent pikachu only to be blasted into the stratosphere and upon landing, I'm promptly slapped by Jessie for whining that I'm hungry. You know, the usual."  
  
"Sounds... uh... fun," Giovanni said awkwardly. "Um, would you like some wine? As a little celebration for getting here first, you know."  
  
"Sure!" said James brightly, becoming happier at the mention of alcohol. Giovanni pulled a wine bottle and two glasses towards him. He poured the drink into both glasses and handed one to James.  
  
"A toast!" he declared, holding up his own glass. "To team work!"  
  
The Boss and the Rocket clinked their glasses together and the light ring of their contact resonated throughout the cabin.  
  
But the innocent noise was so intense that it echoed throughout the mountain and it managed to shake some loose snow closer to the summit. The snow churned downward in a low rumble, tumbling and rolling down the mountain-side with increasing speed. Before James and Giovanni realized it, the cabin was lost beneath the thick blanket of snow.  
  
It was an avalanche!  
  
~*~  
  
On the opposite side of the mountain, Jessie and Cassidy were still trudging up the slope, dragging their boots through the snow. They walked side by side, a scowl on their faces, both refusing to even acknowledge the other's existence.  
  
Suddenly, Cassidy froze. She tilted her head slightly, as if trying to focus on some far off noise. She focused intently on the low rumble of the distant avalanche.  
  
Jessie was far too enraged to know or care about any subtle sounds. She turned her head to glare at Cassidy, but her partner wasn't by her side. Jessie spun around to see that Cassidy had stopped.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded impatiently upon seeing Cassidy standing behind her with a look on her face similar to that of a quizzical slowpoke.  
  
"Did you hear something?"  
  
"NO."  
  
"Hmm... Did I?"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW!" Jessie snapped in exasperation. "Could you please keep walking, you blonde-haired bimbo! I don't want to be fired!"  
  
"Oh, that's a surprise!" Cassidy countered scathingly. "You'd think You'd want to be fired -- after all, you're the one stuck with some freak- talking Meowth and a cross-dressing moron who hasn't even hit puberty!"  
  
"It's better that what you're stuck with!" Jessie retorted defensively, feeling deeply offended. "You're stuck with some flea- infested, diseased ratticate and an idiot with a voice so nasty you'd think he smoke ten packs of cigarettes a day!  
  
"Shut up, slut!"  
  
"Don't tell me to shut up!"  
  
And thus began Catfight Number Three.  
  
~*~  
  
Back in the cabin that Giovanni and James were in, things were suddenly very quiet after the avalanche. Everything was darker with absolutely no sunlight pouring in through the windows. The cozy fire had been extinguished from snow coming down the chimney. James stared at Giovanni fearfully.  
  
"What just happened?' he whimpered.  
  
"Uh... I think there was an avalanche," Giovanni answered grimly.  
  
James jumped up in fright and looked around in panic.  
  
"OH, GOD, WE'RE GONNA DIE!"  
  
"Calm down!" Giovanni yelled, hitting his subordinate on the back of the head. "I'll go check and make sure!"  
  
Giovanni stood up. He walked cautiously towards the door. He tugged on the handle and yanked the door open, only to have a hill of snow roll in until it reached hsi waist. Sighing, Giovanni stepped out of the snow.  
  
"Yes, we're completely buried, James."  
  
James' lip began to tremble an water glazed his eyes.  
  
"Are you sure?!" he asked desperately.  
  
"Of course I'm sure, You dumb-ass!" Giovanni barked, dealing James another blow to the back of his head. "Just pretend for one moment that you're a competent Team Rocket agent and don't panic!"  
  
"Yes, sir," James whimpered dejectedly.  
  
Giovanni brushed the snow off of his pants and furrowed his eyebrows ponderously.  
  
"Sir, how are we going to get out?" James asked, eyes watering and lip quivering.  
  
"Well, the other rockets won't even know yet that we're here, so I doubt a rescue operation is possible. And besides-" Giovanni grimaced ruefully- "considering you Rockets tend to make a fiasco out of everything, in the midst of being rescued, we'd probably be killed."  
  
"Well, then, what can we do?"  
  
Giovanni stood up straight and his face lit up with enthusiasm.  
  
"We're going to get ourselves out!" he proclaimed. "We will dig a tunnel through the snow and escape the grips of this avalanche!"  
  
"Dig a tunnel?!" James sputtered. "And risk breaking a nail?"  
  
Giovanni regarded James with an eyebrow raised incredulously. He grabbed James by the collar and dragged him to the door.  
  
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that!"  
  
Giovanni waded through the snow near the door and began to dig through the briskly cold fluff. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as he dug the snow away and the beginning of a tunnel became evident.  
  
James crouched beside Giovanni and watched timidly.  
  
"Um, I'll supervise!" he suggested. "Keep up the good work, team mate!"  
  
"Well... at least you've kind of grasped the concept of team work..." the Boss muttered.  
  
After several hours of furious digging, Giovanni had dug an extensive upward tunnel through the snow. The Team Rocket leader sighed in exhaustion. James kneeled quietly behind him, doing absolutely nothing productive.  
  
"That's it, I can't dig anymore!" Giovanni heaved reluctantly. "This is hopeless!"  
  
"Oh, come on, just a little bit more!" James urged. "With team work, we can do it!"  
  
"Team work, my ass! You haven't lifted a finger, you useless slacker!"  
  
Giovanni promptly smacked James on the back of the head. Again. form the force of the blow, James' head flew forwards and hit the top of the tunnel. A bit of snow collapsed and suddenly a beam of light fell into the tunnel.  
  
They had dug to the top!  
  
"Wow! We did it!" James said gleefully.  
  
Giovanni pushed some snow out of the way and poked his head over the surface. James followed suit. They joyfully regarded their surroundings.  
  
"We did it, team-mate!" Giovanni shouted, "Boo-yeah!"  
  
James and Gio shared an enthusiastic high five. They smiled and laughed, but they fell silent when a distant rumble reached their ears. It seemed that the sound of their high-five reverberated up to the mountain's peak and shook some more loosened snow. The second avalanche of the day thundered down Mt. Silver.  
  
The snow hit Giovanni and James and they tumbled down the tunnel as it disappeared under the fresh avalanche. They fell painfully back on the cabin floor.  
  
After the rumbling outside stopped, Giovanni sat up, groaning loudly and rubbing the back of his head. His eye twitched dangerously when he realized that the tunnel was gone and that the cabin was buried under a newer, thicker layer of snow.  
  
"Why is everything going wrong?!" Giovanni roared, jumping up furiously and clenching his fists.  
  
"Please don't kill me," James whimpered from under a table. Giovanni rolled his eyes.  
  
"Oh, why wasn't I team-mates with Domino? he lamented.  
  
End of Chapter III  
  
And so concludes the third chapter... Anyway, stay tuned for the next chapter! The only reason I bothered to even continue this story was for the next chapter! So that means it'll be good ^^  
  
Please review! 


	4. Confusion and Snowmen

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Again, I apologize for the wait. But I've been writing like mad for the past few days, I'll have you know! I wrote this, I wrote a chapter for my "Shadows Like You" story," I started the next chapter for this story, I wrote a book report and a speech for french class! And Christmas had me occupied. Gah, I hate being busy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, though it is a little... warped. At least the snowman scene is. XD Oh well; the episode of the Simpsons that I'm parodying kinda weird anyway. ^_^  
  
Putting the Team in Team Rocket  
  
Chapter IV: Confusion and Snowmen  
  
By: Cosmic Mewtwo  
  
"This doesn't make any sense. The cabin should be right here!"  
  
Jessie moaned in frustration. She and Cassidy had been poring over the map for the past few minutes, completely baffled. According to the map, they were right where the cabin was supposed to be. But there was nothing but snow everywhere.  
  
"Well, I don't know!" Cassidy said, just as frustrated as Jessie. She paused in thought. Then her eyes lit up with an idea. "Well, maybe there is no cabin! Maybe it' sone of those, uh, metaphorical things."  
  
"Yeah, like maybe the 'cabin' is the place inside each of us created by our teamwork!" Jessie brilliantly suggested.  
  
Jessie and Cassidy stared at each other for a few moments before shaking their heads.  
  
"No way, Giovanni would never buy into something like that," Jessie muttered.  
  
Cassidy sighed. "Good point."  
  
Jessie looked off into the distance and frowned.  
  
"Wait, over there" she said, "that's a cabin!"  
  
Cassidy looked at the map. "The map says that it's just a mountain ranger's cabin. It's not what we're looking for."  
  
"Well, it's the closest we can find, so lets go!"  
  
Without any other option, Cassidy agreed and followed her teammate.  
  
~*~  
  
Within James and Giovanni's cabin, silence reigned supremely. The two of them were locked in a surprisingly uneventful staring contest. They were completely still and unblinking.  
  
"Ha!" James cried, in sudden jubilation. "You blinked! I win!"  
  
"I did not blink!" Giovanni protested. "My eye just twitched slightly; there was something in it.... I won!  
  
"No, no, I won!" James aid, dancing around merrily. He ignored Giovanni's dangerously livid glare. Not a good idea.  
  
Before he knew, James received a forceful smack to his head.  
  
"I won, dumbass!" Giovanni yelled.  
  
"Yes, sir, of course sir," James mumbled, shrinking back in terror. Giovanni rolled his eyes and threw up his hands in frustration.  
  
"This is ridiculous!" he snapped. "We're fighting over a staring contest! Honestly, if anything kill us down here, it'll be boredom. I'm starting to lose my mind!"  
  
James sat ponderously for a moment before his face lit up with what he deemed to be a brilliant idea.  
  
"I know! Let's play 'I Spy!'"he suggested. "I spy, with my little eye, something that is white..."  
  
"Oh, I don't know," Giovanni quipped sarcastically, "snow?"  
  
"Right!" James answered. Giovanni rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time. Clearly he and James were on a different intellectual plain.  
  
"Well," said James, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "We could make snowmen!"  
  
Giovanni grinned and James was unnerved by the slightly insane glint in his eye.  
  
"No, I have a better idea!" he proclaimed. "Let's make *real* men, out of snow!"  
  
James stared at Giovanni a bit oddly.  
  
"Oh... okay..." ~*~  
  
Jessie and Cassidy arrived at the mountain ranger cabin, weary and sullen from their pointless and hostile expedition. They pushed open the door and were relieved to see that the cabin was already crowded with other Rockets. They were all buzzing with confused chatter. Clearly Jessie and Cassidy hadn't been the only ones baffled by the missing cabin.  
  
As soon as the two girls stepped in from the cold, Jessie separated from Cassidy and moved as far away from her as possible. As she walked around the cabin, she kept an alert eye out for James, but she couldn't spot her partner amidst the chattering crowd. She was so consumed in finding James that she managed to trip right over Meowth.  
  
"Hey, watch it, Jess!" he growled.  
  
"Sorry," Jessie grumbled, pulling herself off of the ground. She regained her cool and dangerous composure almost instantly. "Meowth, have you seen James?"  
  
Meowth scanned the Rockets with narrowed eyes.  
  
"Jimmy? Nah, I haven't seen him since we left on dis stupid mission."  
  
"Hmph. Stupid mission, for sure. How was your partner?"  
  
Meowth glanced away angrily and clenched his paws into fists. "Grr.. I was stuck with dat damn Persian!" Meowth's tone was contemptuous. "I was just about ready to rip dat pretty jewel right oudda his forehead! He ate da map-*ate* it- just ta spite me!"  
  
"Cruel," Jessie muttered.  
  
"And how was your partner?"  
  
Jessie grimaced. "I don't even want to talk about it."  
  
Jessie and Meowth continue to complain about their excruciatingly bad time when the door to the cabin flew open again. Domino stood in the doorway looking cold and infuriated. She shot one angry look toward the crowded room and her eye twitched with increased fury.  
  
"Great!" she yelled, stepping in ans slamming the door behind her. "I go and get lost out on that stupid mountain, nearly get killed - while freezing to death, anyway - and yet I'm still the last person to make it here! Just great!"  
  
"You're not the last one here, Domino," Butch said, popping out randomly from the crowd. "James and the Boss still haven't made it here."  
  
Anger drained from Domino's face and her eyes widened in shock.  
  
"What?!" she exclaimed. "You mean - Giovanni is still *out* there?!"  
  
"Then so is Jimmy!" Meowth said, stating the obvious.  
  
Jessie's eyes narrowed in a mixture of concern and thought. She took a quick glance around the room for any desperate inspiration. That's when she noticed a seismograph in the corner, probably set up long before by scientists for observational purposes.  
  
Jessie quickly tore off the paper showing the latest readings. The black line left by the needle was spiked and erratic.  
  
"Uh, guys, maybe you should see this," Jessie said, holding the paper towards Domino and Meowth. Domino took the paper and her eyes widened further.  
  
"Oh my go... Look at this seismic activity!" she murmured. Meowth scratched his head in confusion.  
  
"Uhh.... Don't dose seismograph things deal with stuff like earthquakes?"  
  
"They monitor avalanches, too, moron!" Domino snapped. It was Meowth's turn for his eyes to widen.  
  
"Avalanches?!"  
  
Jessie grabbed the paper and rushed to the nearest window. She looked over to where e the cabin that they were supposed to reach should've been. From this distance, she could clearly see the snow there, and how stirred up and messy it looked - as if there had been an avalanche.  
  
Jessie, of course, wasn't stupid and quickly put two and two together. Domino and Meowth had apparently reached the same conclusion, too.  
  
"James and Giovanni -" Jessie nearly yelled.  
  
"They're buried under an avalanche!" Domino screeched.  
  
All the Rockets in the cabin stopped talking and froze in shock.  
  
~*~  
  
Far away from the other cabin and many feet below the snow, Giovanni and James were adding the last touches to their snowmen. Giovanni proudly patted the snow down on his snowman's head and stepped back to admire his creation.  
  
"Ahh," he said, staring at the clumped, slightly human shaped snow, "206 bones, fifty miles of small intestine, full, pouting lips... Why, this fellow is less a snowmen than a God!"  
  
"Uh, sure boss!" James said, while admiring his own snowman. A long, boredom drenched silence ensued. The boredom seemed to be pushing Giovanni into a mild insanity, or he glared at the snowman for a few good moments before speaking again.  
  
"Maybe we should dress the snowmen!" he suggested brightly.  
  
"Sure, why not?" James answered with a bored shrug.  
  
~*~  
  
A few minutes later, James and Giovanni had the snowmen dressed... in *their* clothes.  
  
This meant that the two of them were stripped down to their boxers. (A.N. Do I hear fan-girls squealing?) James trembled, because his white boxers marked with little red "R"s kept him far from cozy in the already frigid cabin.  
  
"Well, they're dressed," James murmured, not quite realizing how crazy this whole situation was.  
  
Giovanni didn't either. But then again, he was kind of losing it. Being stuck in an avalanche-beaten cabin for hours and being worried and bored out of your skull will usually have an effect on you. So that let Giovanni standing in his black boxers which were covered in an image of flames around the edges. (A.N. Ehhh.... Inside joke!) He shivered visibly, while glaring at the snowmen, a mentally unstable shine in his eyes.  
  
"Look at them..." he muttered. "Mocking us in their finery!"  
  
"They're just snowmen, boss..."  
  
Giovanni turned to his employee, a slightly insane look in his eye.  
  
"Don't be so naive, James!" Giovanni told him darkly. "Snowmen have eyes, you know... Eyes to watch.... They watch for your moment of weakness then BAM! You're on the floor!  
  
James, who also seemed to be losing it, gasped.  
"Then what do we do?!" He asked fearfully, jumping away in terror. Giovanni looked at him, untrusting and suspiciously.  
  
"Oh, wouldn't you like to know?"  
  
~*~  
  
"We have to save them!" Jessie said demandingly, smashing a fist down on a desk in the ranger's cabin. The other Rockets murmured in agreement. They were most concerned about the Boss. After all, he was the source of their paycheck and he was probably the only one who remembered how to get off the god-forsaken mountain.  
  
"Well, what do you expect us to do?" Mondo spoke up.  
  
"We'll go over ti where the cabin is, and dig!" Jessie said forcefully. "We can use our pokemon, too. Surely they'll help!"  
  
"Well, I think Gio's Persian won't be helping much," Meowth said glumly, and jerked his head towards Persian. Persian was curled up pathetically on the floor and was bawling miserably.  
  
Jessie rolled her eyes.  
  
"Well, let's get going then!" some random Rocket Grunt shouted with zeal.  
  
"Well, before we set out, lets take a moment to humor the pokemon," Butch suggested. He turned to Meowth and Persian, who were sitting side-by- side, Meowth solemn, Persian wailing.  
  
"Giovanni and James are gonna be just fine!" Butch told them brightly. The Rocket then turned to the other Rockets and announced loudly, "Okay, lets go guys, we've got two frozen corpses buried somewhere in this mountain..."  
  
"Didja hear that, Persian?" said Meowth, elbowing the other feline happily. "James and Giovanni are gonna be just fine!"  
  
End of Chapter IV  
  
Will Giovanni and James completely lose their minds? Will the Rockets learn to co-operate and save James and Gio? Will there be dancing monkeys that have nothing to do with anything?! Find out the answers to these question and more in the FINAL chapter of "Putting the Team in Team Rocket!" Coming soon to a computer near you! Yep! Next chapter's the last one! Now go on and send me a review! 


	5. Blasting Off!

Okaaaay, this is it, the final chapter in my ridiculous little parody! Sorry for the wait, but we all know that school is an evil entity that ruins everything! Anway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
  
Oh, and another note, I realize that the whole situation of James and Giovanni being trapped in a cabin alone together seems like a perfect set up for some yaoi-ish things to happen, but I can assure you that isn't what's happening! Just thought I should clear that up in case anyone thought otherwise!  
  
And thank you again to all you delightful little reviewers! Your comments have been very flattering! ::tosses candy to everyone::  
  
Putting the Team in Team Rocket  
  
Chapter V: Blasting Off!  
  
By: Cosmic Mewtwo  
  
Time passed slowly in the cabin under the snow. Giovanni sat on the floor, glaring malevolently at James. James sat on the opposite side of the room, rocking back and forth relentlessly, having also succumbed to the insanity-inducing boredom.  
  
Giovanni cast his sharp and frightening gaze upon James. His eyes narrowed.  
  
*I'm trapped with a mad-man,* he thought to himself. *Look at him, staring into me, filling my mind with paranoid thoughts...!*  
  
James stared back at Giovanni, but his gaze was more fearful.  
  
*Hmm, look at his eyes,* James thought. *He's trying to hypnotize me, but not in the good Las Vegas way!*  
  
Giovanni continued to think to himself, and his eyes opened wide with horror.  
  
*I know what James is up to! He's thinking of killing me and riding my carcass down the mountain to safety! He's truly gone mad if he's thinking that! Well, he can't kill me if I kill him first!*  
  
Giovanni leapt to his feet abruptly.  
  
"I'll kill you, you treacherous mad-man!" Giovanni yelled.  
  
"Not unless I kill *you*!" James shot back, jumping up from the cold floor.  
  
Giovanni dashed forward, intending to kill or maim his team-mate, while bellowing like a wounded dragonite.  
  
*Oh, why couldn't my team-mate have been Jessie?* James thought glumly as he ran from his insane boss.  
  
~*~  
  
Meanwhile, outside of the other cabin, the Rockets stood arguing over what course of action to take next to save the trapped avalanche victims.  
  
"I say we dig!" Jessie said loudly, raising her hand in the air. "We can all dig, and we can use our pokemon to help, and--"  
  
"No, no, no!" interrupted Vicious, who appeared suddenly out of the crowd. "I say we get a nuclear bomb, put it in the snow, and it can do the work for us!"  
  
"What?!" shrieked Domino. "That's the most ridiculous idea yet! Our objective isn't to obliterate every living creature on the mountain, you moron!"  
  
Vicious looked puzzled. "It isn't?"  
  
"No, you mad-man!" Jessie snapped, dealing the masked rocket a powerful bitch-slap.  
  
"Could we please stop arguing like kiddies and do somethin'?" Meowth protested.  
  
"We are not fighting like children!" Domino retorted and promptly kicked Meowth.  
  
"Kicking people isn't going to help!, you idiot!" Cassidy spat at Domino.  
  
"Who are you calling an idiot?!" Domino said sharply, brandishing a black tulip dangerously.  
  
One insult led to another, and within moments, the Rockets were all screaming and yelling at each other, and half of them seemed to be inflicting some sort of abusive violence on someone else.  
  
Meowth watched everyone tiredly. "Well, so much for da whole 'teamwork' thing..."  
  
~*~  
  
Meanwhile, under the snow, Giovanni and James were still locked in an insane battle to the death, or something to that effect. Actually, it wasn't exactly a battle as it consisted mostly of Giovanni just chasing James doggedly around the cabin as the poor rocket shrieked and wailed pitifully.  
  
"Oh God, I wish Jessie was here to protect me!" James cried as he jumped over a table with Giovanni in an enraged pursuit. The whole situation was almost scary, but difficult to take seriously considering the two men were wearing no more than their underwear.  
  
In one last, desperate attempt to protect himself, James came to an abrupt stop which caused Giovanni to trip in surprise. While the Boss was down, James picked up a heavy rock from the floor and hoisted it above his head, intending to bring it down upon Giovanni. Just as he threw the rock, Giovanni realized what James was doing, and he shrieked and rolled out of the way.  
  
As a fateful result, the rock kept going and collided with the propane tank in the corner of the room that had supplied heat earlier.  
  
Giovanni and James stared in horror as the rock hit the tank. It was instantly ruptured., which caused one end of the tank to explode. The entire cabin shook and the force of the explosion sent the cabin rocketing out of the snow!  
  
The cabin shot out of the snow that it had been repeatedly buried under and it began to race furiously down the mountain, with James and Giovanni helplessly trapped inside...  
  
"Gio!" James cried, clutching to his Boss in terror.  
  
"Get the hell off of me!!!"  
  
Giovanni kicked James away, and the two of them stared out a window as the ruptured propane tank sent them blasting off down the mountain. Giovanni looked increasingly worried as the scenery continued to rush by.  
  
"Oh, we're gonna die!!" he wailed.  
  
James, who was completely petrified with fear, seemed to have his hands clasped in prayer.  
  
"Oh God, please protect this rocket house and all who dwell within the rocket house!" he prayed desperately.  
  
Giovanni gave him a smack across the back of the head. "Since when were *you* religious?!"  
  
James shrugged in response. "It was worth a try!"  
  
Then, suddenly, James looked out the window again and saw that they were blasting directly towards a group of Rockets who had gathered outside another cabin.  
  
"If they don't move out of the way, they'll be killed!" James squealed in fright.  
  
"I'm a bit more concerned about ourselves, you moron!" Giovanni shot back.  
  
It took a few moments for the Rockets to finally notice that a dangerous, propane-fueled, rocket-cabin was shooting towards their general direction, but eventually, they all scattered in fear and began screaming like dying banshees.  
  
Giovanni and James were clutching to each other again and screaming, too. Then, almost abruptly as it had started, the propane tank ran out of fuel and the cabin came to a very slow stop. As the cabin ended it's rampage and halted quietly in the snow, the Rockets gathered around curiously to see if James and Giovanni were still inside.  
  
"Is James in there?!" Jessie demanded impatiently, pushing people out of her way. "Get out of my way, I need to see if James is alive!"  
  
As if on cue, the door to the cabin swung open to reveal James and Giovanni standing in the doorway, both looking battered and exhausted.  
  
A long, heavy silence fell over the crowd and they stared at James and Giovanni with eyes wide-open in shock. Both James and Giovanni were puzzled by everyone's hushed reaction. They exchanged a confused glance.  
  
"Why the hell are you all just *staring* at us?!" Giovanni barked. "Have we died and become ghosts, or what?!"  
  
Domino was the only one to answer.  
  
"Uh, sir..." she said timidly and blushed slightly. "We were just kinda wondering why... uh... you're both standing there wearing nothing but you're... er... boxers..."  
  
Giovanni looked down in horror and his eyes widened as if he had just noticed now that he was almost naked. He and James blushed a bright red and laughed nervously.  
  
"Oh, uh, well-well you see," Giovanni stammered. "It's-It's not what you think! Nothing happened, so forget any perverted ideas your stupid minds might may have concocted!"  
  
At that moment, Jessie burst from the crowd and leapt towards James. She wrapped her arms around him in a suffocatingly tight hug.  
  
"Oh, James, I was so worried you were dead!" she cried, squeezing him. "I'm so happy that you're okay! Don't scare me like that ever again!"  
  
James began to turn a funny blue color from lack of air, and Jessie suddenly realized that she was actually displaying some form of unhindered affection and she froze.  
  
"Uh... I mean, you idiot!" she snapped, hitting him and recovering her tough composure quickly. "How dare you go and nearly get yourself killed in an avalanche! Hmph! And where the hell are your clothes?! Go get dressed! Now!"  
  
"Yes, ma'am!" James said brightly, giving her a sharp salute. He then disappeared back into the cabin.  
  
"Well, I should probably go get dressed, too," Giovanni muttered sheepishly. Just as he turned to go into the cabin, Domino grabbed his hand.  
  
"There's no need to rush, Boss!" she aid sweetly and batted her eyelashes seductively. Giovanni just stood and stared at her in bafflement for a few good moments before speaking again.  
  
"That's it, I'm going home before things get any damn weirder!"  
  
~*~  
  
The next day. . . . . . . . .  
  
It was the day after the fateful expedition on Mt. Silver, and Giovanni was back at the HQ, sitting at the desk in his office. He was working quietly, trying to forget the not-so-pleasant events of yesterday.  
  
Suddenly, Domino's head popped into the room.  
  
"Hi, sir!" she greeted him cheerfully.  
  
"Yes, 009?" Giovanni replied flatly.  
  
"I just wanted to say hi!" she said, and strolled into his office.  
  
"Well, you've said it now," Giovanni said in a monotone, "so bye!"  
  
Domino didn't leave.  
  
"Uh, actually, I was kinda wondering about something..."  
  
Giovanni looked up at his employee impatiently. "What?"  
  
"Uh... It might be none of my business, but..." Domino shifted uncomfortably. "Why were you and James wearing nothing but underwear yesterday?"  
  
Giovanni swallowed in embarrassment. "We were... uh... dressing snowmen...."  
  
Domino cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"We're not insane!" Giovanni said loudly. "We were just bored!"  
  
"Okaay then...."  
  
Giovanni paused and thought for a moment.  
  
"Um, Domino?"  
  
"...Yes?"  
  
"Did the Rockets learn or demonstrate *any* teamwork yesterday?"  
  
"Well.... If you consider team work yelling and arguing and fighting, then, yes, they learned a lo!."  
  
Giovanni slammed his head on his desk and groaned.  
  
"So I went through all that trouble for nothing?!" he yelled.  
  
"Pretty much," Domino answered with a shrug.  
Well, you can go now, 009," Giovanni grumbled darkly.  
  
Domino waved good-bye and left the office.  
  
Giovanni remained seated glumly at his desk.  
  
"Well, that's what I get for trying to teach a group of criminals the value of teamwork," he sighed to himself. He picked up Persian and ruffled the fur on the pokemon's head. "Well, at least I have you, old pal!" Giovanni said with a smile. Persian just stared at his master blankly with large, vacuous eyes.  
  
Quietly, Giovanni resumed doing work. As he thoughtfully pet his Persian, he decided to himself that it would be a long time before he embarked on an "adventure" ever again....  
  
~*~The End~*~  
  
And thus concludes "Putting the Team in Team Rocket." I hope you enjoyed reading it! Thank you to all you smashing readers!  
  
And don't forget to send me a review! You know I love them! 


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